Dear Zane 

The Bestselling Author of Addicted dishes out advise on relationships and SEX

To write to Zane
Click here

Dear Zane,

I am currently in a relationship and have been for 2 ½ years with a pack rat.  It drives me crazy because I hate clutter. Sometimes I am physically ill when I walk into the house and see all of the stuff that has been collected by her.  Now that we have moved into a new house, there are boxes on boxes of stuff piled waiting to be put away, but there is no room for the stuff.  Even the garage has met its max.  Sometimes I am so over whelmed I feel like dumping her. Tell me what I need to do.

Anti-clutter

----------------------

Dear Zane,

I'm having a big problem. I have been with my boyfriend for five years and we have two boys together. Recently, I started writing to my ex-boyfriend in prison. I even visited him there without my current boyfriend knowing. Ever since then, I have not been able to keep my ex off my mind. I even fantasize about him during sex. I really want to be with him sexually but his release date is not until 2003. I just do not want to break up with my current and end up alone for that amount of time. However, I am no longer sexually attracted to him. All I think about it hot, passionate sex with my ex. What should I do?

Signed,

Confused

Dear Confused,

Trust me when I say that I understand there is nothing like the lust for a man. Especially when you can't satisfy that lust for various reasons. In this case, the fact that he is behind bars. If not for the fact that you have two children with your current boyfriend, I would probably tell you to break up and wait for the other one to be released.

However, you have been with this man for five years; not five months or five weeks. You have two children together. You need to seriously think about what you are doing because if your current man is supporting you and your children and more importantly, if he truly loves and adores you, you could end up making the biggest mistake of your entire life.

I am sure that the man in jail is telling you everything you want to hear. Think about it. You may very well be the only escape he has from his dismal reality. That does not mean he will make a beeline into your arms the second he is released. What if you are not the only woman he is whispering sweet nothings to? What if he has five or six women lined up to pick and choose from when he hits the streets?

You have given me no indication that your current man has done anything to merit a breakup. The sexual disinterest seems new and will probably pass. After all, he has managed to satisfy you for five years and impregnate you twice. What about your children? Do you really want to them grow up knowing that their mother left their loving, caring father for a man in prison who will have difficulty finding employment upon release, if he can find employment at all? Are you prepared to support this man? Are you prepared to be left holding the bag if he becomes a repeat offender and lands right back in prison?

You need to do some serious soul-searching because from where I am sitting, you are being delusional. Women often fantasize about sex with other men while they are with their mates and vice versa. That is natural so do it for a while if you must. But please, my sister, do the right thing and stay in the relationship. Take the energy and imagination you are exerting to daydream about the man pumping iron in the prison yard and use it to heat up your current relationship.

Peace and Blessings,

Zane

National Bestselling Author of Addicted, Shame on it All and The Sex Chronicles
Publisher of Strebor Books International, LLC